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Ballroom Dance Resource - Ballroom Humor (Next Page) More silly ballroom dance jokes...A piece of string walks out onto the dance floor. The DJ says, "You'll have to leave. We don't let strings dance here." The string walks into another club. The DJ says, "Sorry, we don't let strings dance here." The string is a little miffed now. So he tousles up his hair, ties a knot in his middle, and goes to a third dance club. The DJ says, "We don't let strings dance here. You are a string aren't you?" The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot." ---------------- Why do we start dances with 5-6-7-8? Many moons ago the first line dance DJ was a German man named Hans. Hans had two children named Vi and Sven. At every dinner dance Vi would never sit still and Sven refused to eat but they both loved to line dance. In frustration Hans the DJ yelled out to the crowd in a very heavy accent- No one can dance until I see Vi Sit Und Sven Ate! ----------------- (some of these would be more for country line dancers, but hey...): You might be a linedancer if.... 1. You always start counting with 5,6,7,8. 2. You Grape Vine down your supermarket isles. 3. You have a neon light tan line. 4. You have a separate closet for your dance clothes. 5. Mumble things in your sleep like " One more time ". 6. Know you can't eat anything off a Grape Vine. 7. Know the difference between Sheplers, Cheyenne, and Drysdales, or even know what they are. 8. Wear a belt buckle that costs more than your first car. 9. Try to purchase a hamburger with some "Kick-Ball-Change" 10. You own one or more pair of bowling shoes and don't have a ball, and can't find the alley. 11. Watch Friday night T.V. on Sunday. 12. The bar you dance at goes broke because you only order water. 13. Foreplay is 5, 6, 7, 8. 14. Your hands go into your pockets every time you hear country music. 15. Your boots match your outfit. 16. Your work boots have fringe. 17. You break your leg building a dance hall. 18. You look up while dancing and everyone else is doing the wrong dance. 19. You watch your feet while dancing. 20. Perspiration drips off the end of your nose. 21. You ride 10 miles on a mountain bike and still go dancing that night. 22. You don't have a willing partner. 23. Your wife stomps her foot and you don't pay attention. 24. A Trashy Women is a dance, not someone you find in a bar. 25. Ty England is a performer, not a geographical location. 26. Garth Brooks is a singer, not a retirement community. 27. Pigeon toes don't refer to birds. 28. You don't fish with a swivel. 29. A jazz box is not a New Orleans honky tonk. 30. Patty Loveless is a person, not a condition. 31. You talk with your feet and not your hands. ----------------- BALLROOM DANCE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS: A Twelve-Step Program S-S-Q-Q-S-S-Q&Q&SS Thanks to www.Dance Dimension.com You might be a ballroom addict if... * you have, at least once in the past year, spent more time driving to a dance event than you knew you would actually spend dancing. * your e-mail address, password, or screensaver is dance- related. * you go to non-dance social functions with other dancers but cannot carry on a conversation for longer than 15 minutes without talking about dance (this includes gossiping about people at dance class.) * you subscribe to more than one dance-related magazine or newsletter * at least two gifts per year (received or given by you) are dance-related: clothing, music, video, money for dance lessons, etc. * you cheered out loud for your favorite couples during "Dance With Me" in the movie theatre. * you cringe when you see the Spice Girls start the Cha-Cha on one. * you have pets, at least one of them has a dance-related name - a cat named Grapevine, a dog named Samba, a bird named Polka, etc. * when you're debating whether or not to buy a new article of clothing, a chief factor in the decision is whether or not you can wear it dancing (Ed.note: I can relate to this one! - will the skirt open wide enough to accommodate a wide side step in waltz?...is the long skirt just short enough so my heel will not get caught in the hem?...will the shoulder straps stay up during a vigorous jive?...etc!) * you have ever paid more than $20 for a CD because it has your favorite dance tune on it. * you stay in a relationship you feel is bad for you because your partner is a good dancer and you don't think you will be able to find a replacement. ----------------- Leather Dance Shoes Every Friday night the Italian community gets together at a dance at the Veneto Club, so Paolo seizes the opportunity to wear his new Bocceli leather shoes to the dance. He asks Sophia to dance, and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?" Sophia, startled, says, "Yes, Paolo, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?" Paolo replies," I see the reflection in my new $300 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?" Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he says to her, "Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?" Rosa answers, "Yes, Paolo , I do, but how do you know that?" He answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Bocceli leather shoes How do you like them?" Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Paolo asks Carmella to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red.. He says, Carmella, stilla my heart, pleasa tella me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me thisa be true!" Carmella smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Paolo, I wear no panties tonight." Paolo gasps and says "Thanka God .. I thought I had a CRACK in my new $300 Bocceli leather shoes." ---------------- "THE TOP TEN SIGNS YOU DIDN'T DO AS WELL AS YOU THOUGHT IN THE LAST COMPETITION" by George Callas, Phoenix, AZ (Reprint from Jitterbug, Vol 4, Issue 2, April 1955) 10. The shoe lady discontinued the style of shoe you dance in. 9. The person who promised to compete with you is standing on a nearby freeway playing chicken with the semi's. 8. The very worst dancer in the world says you were the only contestant on the beat. 7. The maintenance crew has to repair the floor where you danced. 6. Your partner's spouse gives you a hug and kisses you on both cheeks. 5. Forty minutes have passed and your partner still hasn't come out of the bathroom. 4. You wonder if the noise coming from the judges' area is snoring. 3. After you dance, people point and laugh at whoever is standing behind you; BUT, when you turn around, there's no one there. 2. You would have preferred dancing to "Baby Work Out" and then learned that you did. ...and the number one reason: 1. Pieces of your partner's dress are still in your hand. ---------------- Thanks to Rene H. Zgraggen www.DancingWith.ReneZ.com I went dancing last night. They had a traffic jam on the dance floor. I was stuck for an hour and a half. I tried to do a Mambo, but the music started on the wrong beat. I did a real sexy Tango. I'm told it's even better with a partner. We did a Viennese Waltz. Took us seven minutes to unwind. I asked a lady whether she would like to dance. She got on the table and did a bump-and-grind. There was a fox dancing with a lady. Boy could he trot. My wife and I both love to dance. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Thursdays. The dance floor was so fast they had an on ramp with a merge sign. I danced with a really bad follower. I did a right turn, she did a promenade. I never saw her again. We did an Argentine Tango. She did some fancy footwork. It was very painful. A lady was dancing with a porcupine. She didn't look very happy. Could have been because he kept needling her. Saw this duck dancing with a lady. Poor dancer. But he winged it pretty good. ...Go to Dance Humor Page Three |
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